In 2008 I moved away from home (albeit after half a years travel), to the other end of Denmark, to Aarhus.

Growing up, home was the house of my parents, but why? I imagine it was because I saw it as a refuge. I was bullied hard in school, but when I was home, I was safe. And it meant I bonded strongly with the house. When my parents divorced, I had to move out, and it was tough, I loved that house.

Since then, calling anything home has been hard, very hard indeed. I lived a few years with my mother in Denmark, before I moved to Spain; and that house was nice, but it was never a shelter, I always felt exposed. Same at boarding school (1 year), I never found peace, moving from room to room, sharing rooms with people, that I didn't always get on with. My fathers house was constantly filled with people, my step siblings and their friends (one of whom I loathed, who was always there), not to mention that I never really lived there.

So my mother moved to Spain, and I joined her. The house was nice, very cold, but it was a good place to live. But I lived far away from my school, 50 km or so. It effectively isolated me, more than my inherent lack of social skills have always done. And as for living as a geek - for what else is there when you're so isolated - the internet connection was as good as non existant, it was slower than a slug in salt, and didn't work when it rained (whenever it rained, it rained heavily) or the wind was blowing hard, or when it just plain felt like it.

But there was always a strong difference between living in the house of my parent(s). It would be somewhere that I could relax, or just do everything on a back burner. Living on my own, coming home, is a chore. And as a result, I nearly spend more time in school, there I only have to read. Spending little time at home, means my room is messy, since I'm never home long enough to properly clean, but do so only once in a while.

But now that I'm grown up (according to some people), do I need a shelter? Shouldn't I stand up to whatever happens? Yes, and I do.
But I need somewhere to lie down and just relax, somewhere to feel... Well maybe indifferent to the world around me, just for a short while. But I never feel like I get that opportunity, my "home" is primarily a bed, and the place where I keep all my junk.

So what's home? Well to me, an ideal home, is somewhere that I can breathe deeply, before I have to back to the ruthless world outside. Not necessarily instant gratification, just somewhere to relax, and forget about the worries that are always pressing. But when I get home, I still think about all the homework I still have, about all the things I haven't done, and all the things I should do. I need some peace and tranquility, but does that mean I don't have a home?

I would argue that home is wherever any person feels safe and at ease, where worries don't press. For a lot of the people I study with, that means going home to their parents. But I also know people, who feel that way when they are bicycling, sailing or any other activity that puts whatever fears or worries they have, to rest. Does that mean it's their home? Well, why does home have to be a place? Wherever these emotions occur, it would at least make me, feel at home, and it could be why we grow attached to certain places. Why some people keep returning to the same place, when there's so much world about us.

A physically restricted home? Why? A house is a place to sleep, and a place to put all our junk. If you were happier outside your house, than at your house. Would you really spend all your time at house? I'm constantly reminded of the moral of Woody Allen's latest movie, Whatever Works. It's exactly that. A home is whatever works for you, if you can get away from all the evils by rock climbing in heavy rain, then good for you, that's more than most will achieve, more than I've had for a long time.

Is there a place where I feel at home? No. I've yet to find it again, and I don't think I'll be happy till I do.
I love travelling like nothing else, but no matter where I find myself, it seems that I'm never quite there.

Where do you feel at home?

1. Why is there poverty and suffering in the world?

It's easy to blame other people, nations and the past. But it doesn't absolve us from not helping now. But why? Nature.
We build corporations that take advantage of lesser developed areas, by using the cheap labour.

Warlords, governments and groups of people fight over control of areas or entire countries, displacing the population as well as killing them. For what? Power.
The heads of government usually installed in the developing world is corrupt, inefficient or doesn't give a damn, preferably all 3.

2. What is the relationship between science and religion?

Same as the one between right and wrong, light and dark or even good and evil. Science is right, it's the light and it's good for humanity; Religion is wrong, it's dark and it brings evil, in the way of suffering and death. I don't mind religious people per se, but looking at the history of the world, religion is the prime cause of death.

3. Why are so many people depressed?

Expectations for life that aren't fulfilled, friends that abandon us, feelings of loneliness, guilt and suffering for our next ones.
We are all led to believe that we will be rich and famous, but so few of us are, the rest of us will at some point or another feel useless.

4. What are we all so afraid of?

Living, dying. What doesn't scare us? Death is something we don't think about, we live as though we will never die. But most people are at the same time, very risk avert; so why live?

5. When is war justifiable?

When it's a defensive war, when you are defending yourself from an aggressor. There is no excuse for attacking, not even a pre-emptive strike.

6. How would God want us to respond to aggression and terrorism?

There is no God, and lately terrorism hos often been in his name.
But the God taught in the different holy scriptures, would never condone such tactics, but what has he been doing since... Forever? Not necessarily terrorism, but violence. All the wars etc. that have been fought in his name. His hands are stained in blood.

7. How does one obtain true peace?

There's not such thing, people will always bicker and fight. During the Spanish Civil War, one of the reason the fascists won, was the in-fighting between the different socialist groups. They even fought each other in arms, instead of fighting the fascists.

8. What does it mean to live in the present moment?

Using every day to do something different, it doesn't require you to go to Iran to experience something different, just try to shake your every day up a bit.

9. What is our greatest distraction?

The same as what gives growth to our society, greed, having more than other people.

10. Is current religion serving its purpose?

Killing innocent people? Yes.
"God would tell me, 'George (W. Bush) go and end the tyranny in Iraq,' and I did."

11. What happens to you after you die?

Nothing, life ceases.

12. Describe heaven and how to get there.

Heaven is here, during our life, when things work out, and relaxing is not an effort.

13. What is the meaning of life?

"M-hmm. Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."

14. Describe God.

Non-existant

15. What is the greatest quality humans possess?

Compassion, a few people ruin it for the rest of us, but we don't all have to be like them. The rest of us can successfully be compassionate people, that care for the people and the world around us.

16. What is it that prevents people from living to their full potential?

Themselves, act on your impulses once in a while, go crazy.

17. Non-verbally, by motion or gesture only, act out what you believe to be the current condition of the world.

Bit tricky that one...

18. What is your one wish for the world?

No religion, that way, big differences will be settled.

19. What is wisdom and how do we gain it?

Through life experiences, true knowledge can't be taught, it must be experienced.

20. Are we all one?

No, we are all individuals, capable of our own choices and decisions, no fate.

So why are men the luckier sex? That has nothing to do with the millennia of the man being the stronger sex, the dominant gender, right up until the second women's rights movement started 60's and 70's, when the balance started tipping (at least in Northern Europe), to the current situation, where men can feel discriminated (I know, I have, not directly though).

Women are more thoughtful, they care more for other people, can show their feelings and don't behave ridiculously things without questioning their nature (do I really need an example of a "guy thing"?). There's a reason women live longer, they don't drive like maniacs, they take care of themselves, in the sense that they don't live exclusively on fast food, beer and breath through cigarettes.

So why are men luckier? Well, we (I'm male, honestly) get to worship them. It's men who get to end up with women, living alongside them to old age (if we look past issues such as homosexuality, divorce and cheerless marriages).

What have girls got to look forward to? Someone to change the fuses and open those tight jars, oh yeah. Interesting conversations? Anything but binge drinking? I don't think so... Sorry.
It's not exactly a secret that I don't drink, but I really don't think I fit the male stereotype.

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Today, the whole world has woken up to new life, a new world and a time filled with unexpected (but hopefully) pleasant surprises, as a man we hope is capable, has taken the helm of the most powerful nation on planet Earth.
The American people have given Obama the ultimate vote of confidence, and I hope that he can steer the US onto a better course than his predecessor, and maybe regain some respect for his nation, which has been utterly disgraced over the last 8 years.

From my economy lessons I have learned that all past decisions and costs are known as sunk costs. That means that they are irrelevant, and knowing what’s irrelevant and what isn’t, is hugely important to make the right decisions for the future.
When Obama makes decisions about Iraq, any reasoning about the invasion, and the casualties are irrelevant, what matters are the future and future costs, and what the return is on staying in Iraq. I personally believe that we should have stayed (Denmark), and so should all other nations, until the task was done. It can be compared to tearing down a shoddy house, and then abandoning the project, instead of taking the time to building a new house. The old building might have been terrible, but it provided some shelter and some stability. What has happened now is that everything goes with the wind; there is no control, no system, just havoc.
With the current focus on rebuilding the economy, my fear is that the environment will be given less attention, as it has never thus far, been given the attention it deserves, but less certainly isn’t better; the environment and education is what matters most, with health coming in shortly after. But in America those 3 sectors are famously neglected (education in America is so expensive, as the government doesn’t do much about it), but here’s the new angle, Obama has promised to do something about all 3.

I fear that the glamour around Obama will fade quickly, he made a lot of election promises and he won’t be able to keep them; a lot was said, but how much will be done?
I believe change will come, but it will come slower than we feared, and it won’t be as significant as we hoped for. Obama didn’t get as large a victory as he had hoped (which would be carrying 30 states), meaning that he has to bargain with the republicans, as the democrats alone can’t do whatever they please, despite having a majority in the senate (apparently it takes 60% to close a discussion, instead the republicans can just keep it open for eternity).

But the expectations the world have are extreme, save the environment, stop war, create peace (no war, doesn’t mean peace) and do something about the pandas while he is at it.
I suspect his presidency will be about highlighting the difference from the Bush administration, and his legacy will be his skin colour, and not his politics, of course I also hope that I will be proven wrong, that he will rise to the occasion and show the world that the US still knows how to save the day, the world and the environment.

I'm not gonna go out and shout at the top of my lungs, that I've had a terrible life. I've never been abused, maltreated, misused or neglected. But that isn't what the quote aims at either, it's a balance in between the good and the bad.
I don't have the right balance, far from it, but I'm aiming to get there.

My childhood wasn't easy, I was bullied for many years (picked on and beaten), and when someone finally noticed and I got sent to a different school, people had heard of me, and instead I was just ignored.
My year at boarding school was really good, people didn't know me, and didn't judge me before they knew me.

My parents ended up in a fiery divorce, from which I suffered a great deal, acting a lot as the messenger and taking the blame; and those years, I would rather forget. But this isn't a pity post, I've had amazing experiences in my life.

I spent 5 months backpacking in South America, I've travelled in 37 countries, lived abroad, met the most amazing people, spent a big part of my life scouting and most of all...  I've more of that to look forward to, all the travelling I will be doing, all the people I have yet to meet and the experiences ahead of me.

I've recently moved to Ã…rhus, I'm now studying at the Business School og Aarhus, I live in a fantastic dormitory with fantastic people, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Argues that George W. Bush might be remembered well as a president, as he made tough calls that had to be made; similar to the situtation Truman was in; and justifies this statement by saying that at Trumans lowest point, he had a 22% approval rating, far below anything George W. Bush has been made to suffer.

I understand that this article underlines might, but the notion is just ridicoulus, Truman might have had a low approval rating in the states, but those in the know supported him, and unlike Bush he wasn't universally hated.
Truman initiated the  Marshall Plan, allowing a rapid regrowth of Western Europe, if that doesn't make a good president, I wouldn't know what does. He greatly helped rebuild Western Germany along with Britain, France and all the other devastated countries.

George W. Bush has done nought in that aspect, he has taken some of the most inhospitable countries in the world (Iraq and Afghanistan), and at least with Iraq turned it into a far worse place. There are more deaths, more suicidebombs, more persecution, more of all the bad stuff, it's like he went to a country that was at rockbottom and drilled even deeper... Well done, indeed. I do support the war in Afghanistan, I believe it's a necessary job, and that long term stability there is necessary, there is a cost, but it's worth a lot.
If we pride ourselves on being the free world, then we cannot turn a blind eye to the oppressed.

I am indeed critical of George W Bush, and this isn't just some hindsight fix, I supported both Al Gore and John Kerry; I believe that George W Bush will be looked back upon with disgrace (except maybe by some Americans), and that we need to move on from here, and hope that Sarah Palin never gets elected.

This has been one of the days with nothing really to do, tomorrow I'm gonna go up to the local glacier; instead I had time to convert a lot of pictures for flickr, and I thought I might try and reflect on the time I have had so far.

Lonely Planet writes that if you stop the music, the continent will grind to a halt, and oh how true that is. Wherever you go there is music, waiting outside for a bus at too early in the morning, in restaurants, on the street and everywhere else.
Everything follows its own pace, be it buses, tour-boats or the people, nothing goes to plan (time-wise) which is okay, I was expecting it, but I didn't know it would be this bad (especially the buses).

So who goes backpacking? Well I have met no Scandinavians (the Danes at Cabo Polonio, were not backpackers, but on a trip from Buenos Aires to the beach), I have met 2 Germans, 1 Brit, 1 French, 2 Australian , a couple of Americans and a few South Americans and endless heaps of Israeli's. Down here they are everywhere; not being an Israeli is almost a small achievement, some have even spoken Hebrew to me, thinking I was from Israel, since everybody else is. But I do expect that eventually I will bump into more West European people; hopefully some Nordic people even.

The continent (so far) is incredibly beautiful, the nature, seaside, wildlife; everything just seems natural. According to other travelers, I haven't even begun to see the really beautiful sites, something I am really looking forward to, and which should pop unto flickr eventually.

My cooking is becoming more natural now, on a day as today, I am making all 3 meals myself, and so far the variation is good, and the food is passable, occasionally good (I'm not a good chef). One thing that bothers me is that eventually, the variation will stop, as I get used to everything that can be made cheap and easy. As I (so far) am always making food alone, I am not really bothered to make more elaborate dinner, but maybe (and quite possibly) that will change, but time will tell.

When I first arrived, I was rather sceptical as to whether I actually thought this trip was a good idea, but at this stage, I am very happy that I indeed went. I have enjoyed myself very much the entire way (except for Cabo Polonio), and I am very much looking forward to what I have yet to see.

I promise to keep you people at home updated, although I might stop writing as frequently as I have been, although that depends on how occupied I will be in the future.

Although foobar2000 is a better music player, it has rubbish iPod support, and I 
really really, don't want to go through this again, I didn't get all my music back; I lost my ratings and my playcounts. So goodbye foobar2000, I loved it while it lasted.

The show is in English, except for Dr Van Helsingør from Elsinore; who speaks a mixture of danish and english, which causes a lot of confusions as he directly translates the danish into english, giving sentences that make no sense, or mean something completely different, which is always extremely hilarious.

Despite the show being very good, it was also very nice to see Christian again,
it had been way too long since we had last seen each other.

But other then that there isn't much to report, just school and work :S

This time around, the song is my all-time favourite song.
[See post to listen to audio]

But now; it's all different. Somehow I feel very different, I just don't have energy
anymore, I don't want to do anything, except write this so I can one day remind myself of what happened. I have to go to my new workplace today to talk to my new boss, and although I am gonna go, I just want to lie in bed and not think about anything. I know I have been depressed for a long time, but I have rarely just lost all my energy. But soon I am going away to South America, and the sooner the better. I just really hope I can get some distance between myself and my life.

To use a movie title from a movie I love, I feel... "Spirited Away".

Of course I don't have anything to do with the movie, I just feel like I have lost my spirit.

Some of the other staff on this camp say that it has really rekindled their flame for scouting, whereas I think it had doused my scouting flame, I really feel that this is the beginning of my scouting downfall. I don't feel enthusiastic in any way of the prospect of being a leader or staff for the rest of my life, it just isn't fun, and it really can be a lot of work. I really wanted to be an IST on the jamboree, but that just wasn't to be.

I haven't been to a scout meeting in about 2 years, but that has more to do with me living abroad and it will surely change when I move back to Denmark or to Norway for a year (I intend to join a group, if only for a year). I am just not having anywhere near the fun that I have had at other camps as a participant; but I won't be leaving scouting for some time, at least not until I have tried being staff on other camps such as Flamboree and the Norwegian national camp, as well as I want to try being leader in a group, before I give up on scouting.

To be honest I am either really distraught with scouting, or I just need some better experiences with being a staff/leader then I have had here, I mean if so many people can enjoy it, why shouldn't I be able to? One thing that has really been missing on this camp compared to other camps is the social part. The staff in general is quite different from me, except for one cool guy called Panu (from Finland), so I am finding it hard to really get friendly with them beyond the surface. And since the participants are only here for 2 nights, we don't really get to know them; but I must say that during the sunrise camp where there were scouts from all over the world, I quickly befriended a lot of them and wanted to get to know them way better. But they weren't at the camp for long, only two nights, and since all of those that I got to know were in other subcamps then wolves (which I am a staff member in) I had even less time to get to know them, so if they are reading this, Sweden, Denmark, Greenland, Malta, Finland and Luxembourg, it was great knowing you, and I hope we can continue on msn.

As for me and my future in scouting, it is very uncertain, and will depend on future experiences, as I am ready to write this one off as a bad experience, although the sunrise camp as an amazing experience.

I do believe that this was very special, but it was sort of killed off by the media, because UK scouts feel that they need more media coverage... Scouting as at its biggest ever and it is still growing.

As per usual when I have too much time to think, I get depressed as I start thinking about my situtation, and what I am actually doing. I have spent a lot of time evaluating what is important for me, and what difference I make at all, and all I think of was waste air. I really feel that all I do is waste air, and I don't know if anyone will read this, but try to think about it in that way. I feel so totally insignificant to everybody and everyone, and although I have felt this way before, it just hit me so much harder this time; so what I did was go to the memorial stone on the island with my sleeping mattress and just lay down on the ground for 30-40 minutes (I didn't check) and just think about everything, but nothing seemed to help. All the people (with 1 or 2 exceptions) that I have met and who have had a good effect on me have all been scouts that I met on scoutcamps, which mean that I don't get to know them for more then 3-7 days, something that is really frustrating. And just the way that I feel, that if I was to pass away, would anyone besides my family feel sadness? Have I ever done anything good? I don't know if any of this is true, but it is the way I feel.

"Jens felt it was about time for some declarations and beliefs.

"I believe that mankind at the base of it all is evil; and the fact that every last person is selfish, is more or less a given fact these days. However not all people act and behave as though they are evil people; I mean we can be kind towards each other, but I thoroughly believe that we are all bad people somewhere. If you strip any person down to the skin (metaphorically) they will not be good people, even the Dalai Lama is probably not good, and the pope sure isn't.

But what is conflicting is that I know of people that have been kind toward me, and one of such (Jacob) is a really good friend of mine, and I consider him to be a thoroughly (nice word, eh?) good person; he is always funny in the cheerful way, and has no negative traits that I know, I have not a single negative thing to say about Jacob; so how can my theory be true?

Well there is a concept in Asian philosophy called eternal sin, and it states that a person is inherently bad; no matter how much good a person does, their human nature will render them evil or bad inevitably, although as depressing as it may sound, it is also the basis for human civilization. If we were all stark raving mad Marxists, who are all good to each other, and never commit a selfish act... Well check out how life was in the USSR and other communist countries, that is what human nature does, even if we all try to be equal, we are all too greedy.

So how can I claim that even people, who act well their entire life, can be a bad or evil person? Even though I feel like I am going in circle just to prove myself; the answer is not that they are bound to do something bad at a point, it is about their human nature.

Besides Jacob there are two other people who have been inherently good to me,  one of those two is Ingrid, and there is nobody besides her and nobody above her, nobody has ever helped me as much as she has, and there is no way that I will ever be able to express my gratitude towards her. Like no one else, she has listened to me, helped me and just talked to me, making me feel better; she has even suggested music to me that has been life altering (Sigur Rós), and I don't know what I have ever done to deserve it, that kind of treatment belongs with better people.

Yes I admit to it, I am an evil person. Nothing to put me in jail or even get fined, it's not like I murder people, beat them up or steal from them, but I certainly would never call myself a good person, I have done evil things, thought evil things and not sacrificed myself (again... metaphorically) for the group etc.

Why do I do this? Well mostly I lost faith in mankind long ago, when you get disappointed enough times, you loose faith in your fellow man. Throughout my life, only a few number of people have not betrayed me i.e. disappointed me when I didn’t expect them to. Of course I don’t include people that I don’t know that well, since that would be way to easy. But the list of “good” people is as follows: Jacob, Ingrid and Karoline.

Please note that only 1 of these people go further back than 2 years (Jacob), Ingrid and Karoline I met in Norway in the summer of 2005. I am not trying to make an example saying that all Norwegians are great, you see Jacob isDanish; besides the 2 Norwegian girls are both scouts (met them at a scout camp), and by that I mean that sort away the worst bulk of people (me being a scout for 12 years and ongoing does not make me good).

Each of these 3 people has their own role in my life, and a special meaning for me. It is not something that I intend to write about, since it is very personal, and this is well an open blog for everyone to read (despite that nobody reads it).

And while some people would say “amazing, you have 3 close friends”, my reply is that I don’t live in the same country as any of these 3 people, and while they are almost always ready for some communication, they don’t change my philosophical view on the world, but they mean a lot to me.

But what about family, doesn’t family always want the best for you? Well my family doesn’t, neither my father nor my mother have my trust anymore, since their divorce everything went downhill (as well as the fact that I grew up). Yes they are both happily married today, but not only was I used as a messenger, I was also a tool in their fight for “resources” and me and my sister. Rather then what was in my sisters and my interest, it was about money and who got to have what children where and when, even now that it is more or less settled, with my sister and me in Spain, my parents still go at it occasionally.

Yes this is without a doubt my longest post so far, but it is only about a fraction of my beliefs, and even though I may have been talking in circles, that blame can be put on the IB (International Baccalaureate) since that is what we are supposed to do ;). No what I mean is that if I just wrote it out once, it would be hard to even get people to notice what I was trying to say, but this way it is much easier."

I have also changed to first person writing, because the third person was just a silly gimic, which I eventually got tired of.

But to begin with, I want to announce that I have two posts in the works right now. This one and my philosophical thesis; but it forked out and now it is a major work, which I will focus upon once my exams are done. But my exams lead me to the next point of the day. This is the last day before my exams begin, and I am terrified of them; they simply scare me so massively.

None the less, tomorrow is my English exam, and I will report back here if I survive it!

I have nothing else to say, because there is nothing to do, other than revise for my exams and hope to get it over with.

Jens thinks so at least, school is standing more still than ever, despite being close to the exams. He has trouble finding good movies that he hasn't already seen. He knew they are out there, he just can't find them; since he has seen all movies he is interested on the IMDB top 250 list.

His internet sucks as much as always, and since last time he hasn't found any new AWESOME music, so he still recommends I'm From Barcelona.

Of good news, he has recieved a new laptop, and it is so pretty; and very light on battery...

Runs several hours, even with wireless on. The 3D graphics are even decent, and run HL2 flawlessly; making it the newest target of his love (it even has a built-in webcam, and 2 mics).

But since there are a lot of good SP HL2 mods, Jens would like to recommend Minerva and Rock 24; and of other games, Jens is all crazy about EVE: Online, a space MMO.

Other then that, there isn't really anything new to report about the life of Jens.

See you another time...

P.s. Remember to read "About the author" (look at the top); or click here.

But over the course of the last time, he has decided that Brisbane would be a great place for a gap year. The location is perfect, the city is a nice size and the weather is good.

But there is still doubt in his mind, is it the right choice? Some people on a forum Jens uses are suggesting other places, such as Whistler in Canada. But Jens wants to go somewhere warm, just for a year. Because Denmark is a cold place, and so is his favourite country Norway.

Other then that, then Jens is currently doing his mockup exams, most of which is going okay, except that Jens is afraid, that he did very bad in the Spanish one. But as recent as an hour ago, he finished his math one. One that he thinks was very easy.

But he is spending the weekend alone, because yesterday (thursday) his sister, mother and stepfather travelled to London for some powershopping untill sunday.

Also Jens signed up for flickr (here is his profile: http://www.flickr.com/people/twaize/), in his opinion, all the pictures so far are pretty crap. But he hopes to acquire a better camera sometime soon, and take some good pictures soon.

Also Jens apologises for not having made/posted any more comics, he will try to get one done eventually.

But not only does he find updating this blod boring, but it's not like anybody reads it?

In either case he has had a really boring time just going to school, but is atm on a 5 day vacation thanks to spanish holidays, meaning that he got wednesday to sunday off (although Jens always has saturday and sunday off).
But soon (the 16th of December) he is going back to Denmark, although only until the 7th of January. But Jens is extremely thrilled at going back, simply because he loves Denmark.

And his preordered Wii is being shipped tomorrow from Amazon, and then he will pick it up when he returns to Denmark, so if there is even less posting than normally (less than none?), then it is because he is gaming away on his new console!

Anyway, take care... Im off!

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade

P.s. Here is my first comic, in a long running super boring series

http://twaize.net/Sharing/firstcomic.JPG

(It will open in a new window)

P.p.s. remember to check out "About the author"