There’s No Place Like Home

Where and what is home? I've been giving this a lot of thought recently.

In 2008 I moved away from home (albeit after half a years travel), to the other end of Denmark, to Aarhus.

Growing up, home was the house of my parents, but why? I imagine it was because I saw it as a refuge. I was bullied hard in school, but when I was home, I was safe. And it meant I bonded strongly with the house. When my parents divorced, I had to move out, and it was tough, I loved that house.

Since then, calling anything home has been hard, very hard indeed. I lived a few years with my mother in Denmark, before I moved to Spain; and that house was nice, but it was never a shelter, I always felt exposed. Same at boarding school (1 year), I never found peace, moving from room to room, sharing rooms with people, that I didn't always get on with. My fathers house was constantly filled with people, my step siblings and their friends (one of whom I loathed, who was always there), not to mention that I never really lived there.

So my mother moved to Spain, and I joined her. The house was nice, very cold, but it was a good place to live. But I lived far away from my school, 50 km or so. It effectively isolated me, more than my inherent lack of social skills have always done. And as for living as a geek - for what else is there when you're so isolated - the internet connection was as good as non existant, it was slower than a slug in salt, and didn't work when it rained (whenever it rained, it rained heavily) or the wind was blowing hard, or when it just plain felt like it.

But there was always a strong difference between living in the house of my parent(s). It would be somewhere that I could relax, or just do everything on a back burner. Living on my own, coming home, is a chore. And as a result, I nearly spend more time in school, there I only have to read. Spending little time at home, means my room is messy, since I'm never home long enough to properly clean, but do so only once in a while.

But now that I'm grown up (according to some people), do I need a shelter? Shouldn't I stand up to whatever happens? Yes, and I do.
But I need somewhere to lie down and just relax, somewhere to feel... Well maybe indifferent to the world around me, just for a short while. But I never feel like I get that opportunity, my "home" is primarily a bed, and the place where I keep all my junk.

So what's home? Well to me, an ideal home, is somewhere that I can breathe deeply, before I have to back to the ruthless world outside. Not necessarily instant gratification, just somewhere to relax, and forget about the worries that are always pressing. But when I get home, I still think about all the homework I still have, about all the things I haven't done, and all the things I should do. I need some peace and tranquility, but does that mean I don't have a home?

I would argue that home is wherever any person feels safe and at ease, where worries don't press. For a lot of the people I study with, that means going home to their parents. But I also know people, who feel that way when they are bicycling, sailing or any other activity that puts whatever fears or worries they have, to rest. Does that mean it's their home? Well, why does home have to be a place? Wherever these emotions occur, it would at least make me, feel at home, and it could be why we grow attached to certain places. Why some people keep returning to the same place, when there's so much world about us.

A physically restricted home? Why? A house is a place to sleep, and a place to put all our junk. If you were happier outside your house, than at your house. Would you really spend all your time at house? I'm constantly reminded of the moral of Woody Allen's latest movie, Whatever Works. It's exactly that. A home is whatever works for you, if you can get away from all the evils by rock climbing in heavy rain, then good for you, that's more than most will achieve, more than I've had for a long time.

Is there a place where I feel at home? No. I've yet to find it again, and I don't think I'll be happy till I do.
I love travelling like nothing else, but no matter where I find myself, it seems that I'm never quite there.

Where do you feel at home?