What am I doing here?
Although one of the categories is "Spur of the moment" I have been having this thought in my head for a long time (during most of this camp), but it just keeps coming back, and I just felt writing about it right now.
Some of the other staff on this camp say that it has really rekindled their flame for scouting, whereas I think it had doused my scouting flame, I really feel that this is the beginning of my scouting downfall. I don't feel enthusiastic in any way of the prospect of being a leader or staff for the rest of my life, it just isn't fun, and it really can be a lot of work. I really wanted to be an IST on the jamboree, but that just wasn't to be.
I haven't been to a scout meeting in about 2 years, but that has more to do with me living abroad and it will surely change when I move back to Denmark or to Norway for a year (I intend to join a group, if only for a year). I am just not having anywhere near the fun that I have had at other camps as a participant; but I won't be leaving scouting for some time, at least not until I have tried being staff on other camps such as Flamboree and the Norwegian national camp, as well as I want to try being leader in a group, before I give up on scouting.
To be honest I am either really distraught with scouting, or I just need some better experiences with being a staff/leader then I have had here, I mean if so many people can enjoy it, why shouldn't I be able to? One thing that has really been missing on this camp compared to other camps is the social part. The staff in general is quite different from me, except for one cool guy called Panu (from Finland), so I am finding it hard to really get friendly with them beyond the surface. And since the participants are only here for 2 nights, we don't really get to know them; but I must say that during the sunrise camp where there were scouts from all over the world, I quickly befriended a lot of them and wanted to get to know them way better. But they weren't at the camp for long, only two nights, and since all of those that I got to know were in other subcamps then wolves (which I am a staff member in) I had even less time to get to know them, so if they are reading this, Sweden, Denmark, Greenland, Malta, Finland and Luxembourg, it was great knowing you, and I hope we can continue on msn.
As for me and my future in scouting, it is very uncertain, and will depend on future experiences, as I am ready to write this one off as a bad experience, although the sunrise camp as an amazing experience.